CELIBATE RIFLES
"Rock & Roll Solderers Tour"
Friday December 21, 2001 @ the Coogee Palace Hotel (with Morgana & the Monstars)
Monday December 24, 2001 @ Manly Fisho's (with Texas Playboys)
Wednesday December 26, 2001 @ the Annandale Hotel (with The Minogues)
Thursday December 27, 2001 @ Sydney Harbour
Once
again, the Rifles have ripped through Sydney and its surrounding suburbs like
a particularly belligerent curry through a baby's digestive tract. Tongue firmly
in cheek as always, they'd named this the "Rock'n'Roll Solderers (sic)
Tour". Sitting here wearing my Celibate Rifles souvenir tee shirt, sipping
a VB from my official Celibate Rifles stubbie holder and listening to my autographed
copy of "A Mid-Stream Of Consciousness", it does occur to me that
I may be slightly biased, but I still think that they have got more than just
a glimmer of their original spark. When the electricity starts to flow on stage,
they burn just as brightly as they ever did!
I had to pass on the initial show at Toukley, so the first gig that I caught
during this mini tornado, er tour, was at the Coogee Palace Hotel. "The
bands are back" has been emblazoned above its recent advertising in Drum
Media, but for the most part they have been tribute bands - Rattle & Hum
(U2 tribute), or maybe it was The Real Thing (yet another U2 tribute), INXSIVE
(guess who?), that Midnight Oil tribute band (Oils Ain't Oils?), Richard Clapton,
etc. I half expected the Rifles to go on as "Turgid Miasma, the Celibate
Rifles Tribute Show", but they let that golden opportunity for a pisstake
slip by unexploited.
Actually I was happy to have an excuse for a stickybeak around the Coogee Palace,
since it had been in the news quite recently. For those living outside of Sydney,
Coogee Bay is bracketed by two hotels at either end of the main promenade: the
imaginatively named Coogee Bay Hotel (home of the infamous Selina's beer barn
and all round Oz Rock abattoir) and the Coogee Palace Hotel. The CBH is licensed
to stay open until 5am, while the CPH is only licensed until 3am. What this
situation has failed to take into account is that no one who is still drinking
in a public bar at 3am really wants to stop and go home before sunrise. Hence
each night, immediately after closing time, a motley gaggle of drunks beat an
unsteady but tumultuous path from the CPH to the CBH, laying down a noisy trail
of petty vandalism, public urination, gratuitous obscenities, threatening behaviour
and general anti-social activities in their wake.
Local wowsers and self-satisfied NIMBYs (Not In My Back Yard!), too poor to
be able to afford to live at Bondi where they think they belong, were appalled
when the Police decided that the easiest way to nip the problem in the bud was
simply for the CPH to stay open another two hours. As soon as he got over the
shock of the suggestion (and its source), the publican at the CPH was only too
happy to make a formal application to have his licence extended. By all reports,
the locals have been taking a lot longer to recover.
The advert had said "doors open at 9, band on at 10". I got there
at 9:45 and after an inadvertent tour of the building, eventually found where
the band was supposed to be playing. As I grabbed a beer at the imposing bar,
Morgana & the Monstars (the former Nitocris frontwoman and some friends)
were playing what turned out to be the end of their set, having performed to
a very sparse crowd. They must have been pretty unimpressed at their lack of
billing, especially as the place is about twice size of Bar Broadway (and therefore
looked almost completely deserted, in spite of the small number of fans on hand),
although much of that extra space isn't usable due to pillars and other obstructions,
including a good sized stairwell to one side of the dance floor.
Aside from the occasional live band, tribute or otherwise, the Coogee Palace
Hotel is big on disco. Fortunately the DJ, who seemed to have a lot to say although
I couldn't make out a word of what he was actually saying, stuck safely to hits
of the seventies and eighties, with even "Eye Of The Tiger" surprisingly
proving to be almost as infectious as the Ebola virus after only my second beer
of the night, though rating nowhere near as high in my affections as "Echo
Beach", which he also played (God I used to love it in the film clip, the
way the keyboard player licked her lips so expansively/salaciously during the
last chorus).
Meanwhile
regular sound man (and former Thermal) Leigh Ivin was organising the sound for
the band, while guitar tech (and 300 St Claire frontman) Mick Poole was organising
things on stage, with partial assistance from roving sound man, guitar tech
and surf instrumentalist extraordinaire Stephen "Bones" Martin. With
three spare guitarists hovering in the wings, I guess the pressure's really
on the Rifles current line up... or maybe not. Whatever the case, we certainly
didn't have to wait too long before the band took to the stage, with "Kelvin"
sporting a burnouse on this occasion. Naturally it wasn't long before he was
being referred to as "Osama bin Steedman".
Damien Lovelock warmed up the crowd by telling them how much he used to hate
having to come to Coogee when he was younger, because the bus service was so
unreliable he inevitably missed it and then had to march uphill for miles. Predictably
this did little to help break the ice with the audience, but he didn't seem
concerned in the slightest. Nor, to tell the truth, did they.
The audience was both restrained and respectful for most of the show, although
a small mosh did eventually develop, much to the ill concealed displeasure of
the bouncers who were present in alarmingly large numbers. Since the Coogee
Palace Hotel usually confines itself to disco nights and tribute bands, I don't
think they had fully grasped what they were in for when they booked the Rifles.
The bouncers waded in constantly to break things up as soon as they started,
all the while bearing expressions which seemed to say, "Well, we certainly
never get behaviour anywhere near as excited as this with something like the
Jimmy Barnes tribute show!".
The set was unrelentingly upbeat, with several "Blind Ear" tracks
not often heard recently getting a work out in preparation for the forthcoming
Boxing Day show. When it came time for the inevitable encores, they threw caution
to wind and launched into a cover of "My Generation" (hmm, perhaps
Mr Younger's recent Who feast has got a few others ruminating about their musical
heritage as well), following it up with their seasonal "Merry Xmas Blues".
For Michael Couvret this was apparently the first time in 16 years that he'd
played it, since they didn't play it at any of the post-Christmas shows when
he stood in for Jim Leone last year.
With only one show since the Annandale gig at the end of August, that being
the aforementioned Beachcomber Hotel gig at Toukley the night before this, they
seemed to be taking up pretty much where they'd left off, as if the intervening
four months had never happened.
On the following Monday at the Fisho's (actually the Manly Fishing and Sporting
Association, just in case you were wondering), they kicked straight on as if
all they'd done after Coogee was to pause briefly to catch their breath and
change tee shirts. However, before that, there were a couple of support acts.
First up, although billed second, were the Texas Playboys. Presumably they went
on early to give Michael Couvret a chance to rest before returning with the
Rifles. Although I've seen these guys a couple of times, I still can't remember
who the guitarist is, even if there's no mistaking nor forgetting former Rifles
drummer Phil Jacquet behind the kit. Last time I saw them, they had a keyboard
player as well, though there was no sign of him this time.
As you might expect from the name, the Texas Playboys played "sophisticated"
country, but not sophisticated in the Garth Brooks/Shania Twain manufactured
to order, rust proofed and plastic coated sense. This was bluesy/folk country,
though without nearly so much of the lounge lizard veneer I remembered from
the last time I saw them. During their set the diminutive Kent Steedman jumped
up onto the side of the stage to retrieve his guitar from beside his amp. The
band responded to this intrusion with good natured cries of "Get off!"
and "Get back on your tree!". He handled the allegation that he was
an escaped Christmas ornament with characteristic aplomb.
The second act was yet another grunge meets nu metal, "Hank Rollins we
love you and we want to have your babies" ensemble. This was announced
as being the last gig for the bass player, after three years in the band, but
even with all the experience that the singer/guitarist must also have had, he
still hadn't yet learnt to think through his remarks to the audience. Every
time he opened his mouth it seemed that he had no idea where the sentence was
going to end and not surprisingly he frequently came publicly to grief, running
aground on the unforgiving rocks of incoherence and incomprehensibility.
When
their turn came, the Rifles were clearly "up for it", looking relaxed
and exchanging plenty of smiles. The crowd was also enthusiastic, although once
again the mosh was slow to precipitate (fortunately for those of us trying to
grab a few happy snaps of the band). The calm couldn't last forever of course.
"I Shoulda" was the one that ultimately pushed them over the line
and from then on it boiled along in the state of barely controlled riot that
we've all come to expect from the Fisho's crowd.
Not everyone in the crowd was into bumping flesh and gristly bits together
though. One guy who had been hobbling around on crutches during the support
acts got himself up to the edge of the stage and then dropped his crutches while
supporting himself on the foldback monitor, whereupon his mates either side
of him immediately snatched up the crutches in order to play air guitar with
them.
Another guy who had partied himself into oblivion decided to lie on the stage
at Kent's feet. Apparently he was well known to the band as Kent not only waved
off the bouncers who wanted to drag him back off the stage, but even gave him
his guitar and showed him how to play it, stepping back to dance on the stage
by himself while the guy's girlfriend tried to help him strum the guitar (it
wasn't just staying upright that had become an "issue" - general hand/eye
co-ordination was clearly also a major problem).
Those who continue to cry out for the relatively rare "Back In The Red"
found to their obvious joy that there was a little something extra for them
in Santa's sack on this night. After then closing with a rendition of "Electravision
Mantra" that really kept the juices flowing, the band soon returned for
a couple of encores wearing red pointed Santa caps with flashing electric lights
in the tips, in honour of Christmas being now only minutes away. The encores
were once again a cover of "My Generation" (much tighter this time)
and "Merry Xmas Blues", followed by a grandiose but only semi-serious
"Rock & Roll Soldiers", with Kent Steedman in particular milking
it of every drop of its arena rock potential. As part of the finale, he stood
behind Paul Larsen, dropped his guitar in Paul's lap and grabbed a drumstick,
leaving Paul to strum while he bashed out a selection of devilish rhythm.
With
the excesses of the Christmas Day banquet already receding into faint but fond
memory, on the 26th I headed over to the Annandale for one of the premiere events
of the annual rock calendar - the traditional Boxing Day exhumation and exploration
of the Rifles' musical history. The subject of this year's forensic inspection
was "Blind Ear", played in its entirety and in order, including a
brief pause corresponding to turning over from side one to side two, in recognition
of the fact that this was the last Rifles album to be treated to a vinyl release.
Of course some people just don't get it. After about the second song, someone
started calling out persistently for "Back In The Red". Obviously
that dipshit should have made the effort to get to the Christmas Eve show.
Not only did the Rifles play the songs, as usual Damien Lovelock also provided
some personal insights and a running commentary on the circumstances surrounding
the recording. For once this was slightly restrained. "Blind Ear"
was to have been the Rifles' big break, out of the indie ghetto and into mainstream
territory, at least that's the way EMI's boutique True Tone label saw it when
the band was signed up. However things did not work out as planned. Damien stated
flatly that they'd probably be sued if he shared all of his thoughts and opinions
regarding the band's brief (and only) encounter with a multinational record
company.
Even given this probably prudent self-censorship, there was still plenty of
information to be shared, like why "Wonderful Life" from the previous
"Roman Beach Party" was re-recorded for "Blind Ear" (it
was the only song on the previous album that the A&R guy liked and he thought
it had all the hallmarks of a surefire hit single), where the song "Five
Lamps" fits into the Rifles' oeuvre (it was meant for this album, but they
weren't happy with the recording and EMI wouldn't fork out the money necessary
for them to redo it) and how the covers of "Hot Stuff", "Where
The Action Is" and "She's So Fine" came about (they were done
cheaply in another studio, after the album had been completed, for use as "B"
sides on the flood of hit singles so confidently anticipated by EMI).
Damien also confessed to his trepidation at doing this annual event, since
in his view every one of their albums has a track that seemed like a good idea
in the studio, but never worked live and so was quickly and quietly dropped
from the set after only one or two performances. For "Blind Ear" he
said he felt that "They're Killing Us All (To Make The World Safe)"
was the major embarrassment. Regardless, we got it all. The album as most people
know it up to "El Salvador", then "5 Lamps" and the three
covers. Since I've only ever owned the CD, at that point in the evening I'd
started to assume that "Fish And Trees" must have been a CD bonus
track not part of the original album and that they were going to skip it, but
bugger me we got that too - just Damien singing, with Kent accompanying him
on acoustic guitar.
Then we were into the encores and it all got a little chaotic, no doubt inflamed
by their cover of Elton John's "Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)".
One clown was upset at the signs prohibiting stage diving and crowd surfing.
"Why can't we crowd surf?", he demanded of Damien. "I don't know,
ask the owner", was the patient reply. Unfortunately this guy had hold
of his one thought for the day and wasn't about to let go. "Is it a state
law?", he asked. "I don't fuckin' know. Do I look like a lawyer?",
was the rather less patient response.
Since Jim Leone was in the audience, they dragged him up on stage, initially
just to sing one song. However when he tried to leave he was jumped by Mike
Couvret and there was a brief scuffle, which ended with Mike sneaking off stage
leaving Jim holding the bag, er bass.
In theory, the setlist for a Boxing Day show is restricted to the nominated
album, plus covers of songs from the same period. Last year one of those covers
was Husker Du's "Don't Want To Know If You Are Lonely". Churlish souls
could therefore accuse them of cheating by playing it again this year, but they
did do a bloody good job with it and since Jim missed out last year by being
away, I guess it was only fair that he got a crack at it this year. Even guitar
tech Mick Poole could be seen joining in, playing a little air guitar on one
of Kent's spares.
However that still was not the end. One thing that was missing last year was
the traditional round robin, where everyone shifts around from their normal
position and has a lash at something new and exciting, or at least different.
For a moment it looked like they were shuffling off the stage, but next thing
you know Damien had strapped on the bass, Kent was behind the drum kit, Mike
had on Kent's guitar and Dave had taken up the microphone while Paul played
his guitar! I will freely admit that it did take me some time to recognise that
they were playing "Looking At You", but it was still an experience
to be treasured.
But wait, there's more! We were now well past the pub's 12 o'clock curfew,
but they couldn't seem to leave the stage without a final, more serious assault
on "Rock & Roll Soldiers" than the tongue in cheek attempt they
gave us on Christmas Eve. The audience understandably went into a collective
rapture.
I
would be remiss if I failed to acknowledge the presence and contribution of
the Minogues, who opened the show. A covers band which had hung up its spurs
some years ago, the Minogues saddled up one more time this evening to get the
audience suitably roused up for the Rifles. With no fear, or shame, they nailed
their colours to the mast right from their first song - a heartfelt cover of
Dragon's "April Sun In Cuba". The set went on to include such commercial
candy floss as "Yesterday's Hero", "Computer Games", "Howzat"
and "What About Me" amongst the more socially acceptable songs like
the Sunnyboys' classic "Alone With You", AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds"
and a brace of borderline acceptable Angels tunes.
While there are plenty of venues at which such a guided tour of the Countdown
era could lead only to bloodshed and tears before bedtime, the Minogues clearly
had an excellent grasp of the dark and secret desires of their audience. After
the brief, initial shock, the crowd got right into it, positively reveling in
the opportunity to be participating in the unofficial call and response section
of the Angels' "Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again?" once more.
Kudos also to the bar staff. Most, if not all, of them had earplugs in. While
trying to buy a beer during the Minogues' set, even I couldn't hear what I was
saying, so I'm stuffed if I can comprehend how they could, but an admittedly
impassioned "Coopers... green" got me the necessary beverage without
a moment's confusion or hesitation!
Come
Thursday the 27th of December, I had to go down to the sea again in ships. Well
actually it was just around the harbour in a floating bar room, but that doesn't
sound nearly as poetic. On this particular afternoon, the harbour was not nearly
as picturesque as usual either. Even though it was only 4pm, there wasn't so
much as a hint of blue sky to be seen, due to all the smoke in the air from
the bushfires raging in the countryside all around the city.
This absence of any sign of summer sun had also had a marked effect on the
number of boats out on the water. Normally one of the added bonuses on a Rifles
cruise is the amusement derived from seeing yachtloads of stunned yuppies sailing
past, jaws hanging slackly in stunned surprise as they are assaulted by the
sound waves emanating from the good ship Sonic Death (a.k.a. the Rocks Rhythmboat).
Today it seemed to be just us and the ferries, so for non musical highlights
we had to fall back on Kent Steedman leading the rest of the band in a spontaneous
but obviously sincere giving of the finger to the Prime Minister's Sydney residence
as we sailed past it.
In honour of the festive season, someone had stuck reindeer decorations all
over the cabin wall behind the stage and the central picture window had been
ringed with tinsel. Meanwhile shorts and tee shirts were the order of the day
for most of the band, though Kent stuck to his camouflage tights before agreeing
to change into his trademark electric snakeskin tights at the request of a female
admirer.
For a change, there was no support act this time, with the band playing three
sets instead. As I've mentioned in previous cruise reports, a cruise show is
not a normal Rifles show. It's a party for the band and the audience. After
kicking off with "California Sun", Damien Lovelock assured everyone
that such would again be case this time, as indeed it subsequently proved to
be, with some of the more regular numbers in the normal set giving way to covers
rarely heard on land these days, like "Groupie Girl", "Crying
Sun", "The Wild One" and "Down On The Street" (sung
by guest vocalist Rip from the long departed Mushroom Planet) and Rifles rarities
like "Netherworld" and "This Gift".
There
was also plenty of time between sets for the band to mix and mingle with the
punters. Okay, let's face it, it's only a small boat so there's nowhere much
for them to hide if they wanted to. However that's never been an issue on any
cruise I've been on (and doubtless the prospect of a long swim to shore would
keep all but the most desperate loser in line without push having to come to
shove... overboard). With the drums not being miked, Paul Larsen must certainly
be glad of the breaks after the exertions of making himself heard over the rest
of the band, but there was otherwise no relief for him, while soundman Leigh
Ivin was more than happy to stand in for Kent for a couple of songs toward the
end of the afternoon.
As with all the shows during this run, the crowd remained relatively calm and
polite for quite a while. On this occasion it was a cover of "One Of The
Boys" that finally blew everybody's cool (surely one of the most quintessentially,
not to say indefensibly, "'70s" songs ever recorded). Of course some
people are never satisfied, with one punter insisting on calling out (unsuccessfully,
need I add?) for "City Slang" for about the last half hour of the
cruise. Actually, right at the end, I did think he was going to get his wish
when Damien referred to "a song which has been requested this afternoon",
but it turned out to be "Bill Bonney Regrets" instead. No problem,
at least as far as I was concerned.
Looking over the intended setlist for that third session, they still had another
half dozen songs to go when they ran out of time and the boat ran out of water.
In fact the band was still going at it hard and strong, ripping through "Another
Girl, Another Planet", as the boat tied up back at the wharf, much to the
obvious shock and surprise of a few commuters waiting for the normal ferry to
arrive. Considering the fact that Tony Harper was in the audience and they'd
already had a couple of guests up on stage during the afternoon, it was a pity
that no one thought to invite him to join in, since that song has always been
a highlight of Upsets performances. Still, you can't have everything.
Anyway, there you have it until the next time. They were here and now they're
gone again, leaving behind a handful of happy memories, some souvenir merchandise,
a faint but unrelenting ringing in the ears and a picture on the cover of the
final issue of Drum Media for the year, revealing Damien Lovelock's previously
hidden talents as a swimsuit model.
Closing thought: Sorry about that opening metaphor. I guess seeing that someone
had gotten to Dave Morris's Laney amp, dropping the "y", inverting
the "e" and shifting the "L" from the beginning to the end
to make it into an "anal" amp must have been playing on my mind without
me fully realising it...
Overall Beer Rating? Enough for a monumental hangover! - John
McPharlin
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