Share THE PRE-RAPHAELITES – Matt Church (EEO Records)
It is time to discuss The I-94 Bar’s reviewing policy. If you are wondering what it is, click here. Basically, bands and artists are advised to pay attention to the kind of music we champion before chucking anything our way. Hence, I hold in my hand Matt Church’s self-produced Australian concept album about the ideas of the Pre-Raphaelites. In his press release, Melbourne-based Mr Church notes “in particular, Burne-Jones and Rossetti were influential, with the darkness of images they drew or painted with that fantastic element of colour shining through”. There is a song called “Persephone and the Gilded Light.”The album itself sounds exactly like the press release. Pretty melodies, whinging vocals and a thick air of imagined intellectual superiority. It is not so much that this guy can’t sing or play as it is that I can’t bear to listen to him when he does. Matt was probably a weird kid at school with no friends and I can relate to that. Various people in his life have probably told him he was a genius. Good on him and good on them. I have always said the line between genius and madness is thin and best judged by one’s ability to communicate an idea. Hands up if you know what Matt is talking about.
You see, friends, if Matty boy had been the genius his mum tells him he is, he would have read our reviewing policy and realised that, at best, his disc would be slung in the bin. The worst thing that could happen is that it gets sent to me. Guess what. I’m here. You see, it’s true that the Barman does try to place these review discs with someone sympathetic. The trouble is, sometimes there is no-one around here who is going to be sympathetic. Then it gets passed to me. That’s because I am a bastard. I work through the pile conscientiously. I give every disc its day in court but take bad ones as a personal affront. Guess what? Anyone who thinks I appreciate the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhoods’ cry for a return to classicalism has another thing coming. They were a bunch of whinging overwrought pommy fops desperately trying to vanish up their own and each others’ arses.
Look, I’d love to write everyone a nice review but, let’s face it, it can’t happen. It’s an insult to the people who do the good work we champion. I’d like to sympathise but I can’t. Matt, you’ll need someone else to go champion your genius. Good luck with that and goodbye. - Bob Short
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