Top Ten Sydney Tunnels and Bridges

What? Tunnels and bridges not rock'n'roll enough for ya? So, sue me. 

The Molly Fet Circuit were in Sydney for a couple of gigs recently and I could not believe how much the place has changed; I was here last only a year or so before covid - not sure how long it'd been for musician Shaun C. Duncan (Die Like a God, Council of Elders, Iron Phallus), but quite a bit longer I think.

Our friend Nathan Iowa (Shark Arm) was extremely helpful, driving us hither and yon - to the point where I realised that, without his help, we would've been either frequently lost or forking out hundreds in cab fares. Never mind anything else, we might not have even found the fucking gigs.

So, hurrah for Nathan Iowa, and hurrah for tunnels and bridges. You want rock 'n' roll in Sydney? Not without these tunnels and bridges.

Sydney used to be known as the City with The Bridge and the smashed-giant-vase Opera House; now it can only be known as the City of Tunnels and Bridges (and sod the vase). So, notwithstanding the current awkwardness about M4, here are my top ten tunnels and bridges, in no particular order.

WestConnex M8
I mean, M8. Mate. Maaaaate. Apart from having the best name, it is damned long and incredibly useful. Like all tunnels - and pretty much most main roads in Sydney - M8 is completely scary if you don't know where the hell you are. And we had no idea. What did we keep saying? “Crikey, isn't everything big?”. And, “fuck, did we miss that turn-off?”

Right. So, I'll list the others which we used. I mean this, we were as impressed as bumpkins are with a man with blonde hair and an orange face. What we need now are red baseball caps with MSGA on them. ('Made Sydney Great Again')

General Holmes Drive
Bloody inspired bit of jiggery-pokery to get from one awkward bit to another.

WestConnex M4, and the Rozelle Interchange
Incredible to think that where once we fought through traffic and more traffic, these huge tunnels have opened up Sydney. Compared to Melbourne (been there lately? If you're driving, don't go; you'll spend literally a quarter of your holiday in traffic or trying to find a park. The trams are all totally rammed. Melbourne should've got its act together in the late 1980s, or as Sydney did, in the early 2000s.

Anzac Bridge
Went over this many times (twice in error), and it, and the highway it serves, are masterpieces of 'oh my fucking god' and 'no!' and 'jesus wept!'. And that's just the traffic. Fucking fantastic. 

Captain Cook Bridge
I've been across before, and since it looks like it was made from the drawings of the architect's eight-year-old boy, I think it's magnificent.

Spit Bridge.
Not, apparently, an invitation, the superbly-named Spit Bridge is a bascule lift bridge and it's bloody lovely (in a strictly utilitarian kind of way).

Pyrmont Bridge
It is beautiful, but was closed (or looked closed) when I went near it. 

Sydney Harbour Bridge
It's rusty and bonkers and frankly looks its age. But I'd rather see - and use - this than the incredibly ugly Eiffel Tower which says everything you should know about the industrial age: 'we worship stupid because this just got here'.

Lastly, the magnificent swing Allan truss road bridge known as Glebe Island Bridge.
Needless to say, it's not in use: it's kept in a permanently open position. Bah, humbug. No, I didn't get to this one. But I'd love to see it in proper use again. Perhaps as a tourist attraction with set swing times? Yes, it's heritage-listed. And if you've not seen it, do, and send me pics.

ED’S NOTE: Robert Brokenmouth is from Adelaide.