Top Tens for 2022: Smallpox Confidential frontman and author Robert Brokenmouth from Adelaide

robert brokenmouth 2022"Oh look, Mummy. The weird man singing with that nasty band Smallpox Confidential is telling me his IQ."

It’s really stupid. I hardly saw any bands (Dapto Dogs and George Thorogood were stand-outs) and heard far too few new releases. Instead, here’s a list of my Top Ten Sleb Shitbags and what curse (with permanent effect) I would put on them.

Tom Cruise:
Wake up every morning another two millimetres shorter.

Vladimir Putin:
His brain to empty, grow a beak and webbed feet and go nekkid except for a foolish weskit.

Donald Trump:
To wake up and always tell the complete truth.

Scott Morrison:
To wake up and realise with stunning clarity what he was. And volunteer to befriend polar bears on Baffin Island. 

Harry & Meghan:
To wake up with permanent laryngitis, flatulence & projectile vomiting.

Peter Dutton:
To wake up to discover he is a cockroach.

Barnaby Joyce:
To reject his political career and embrace trailer park swinging, and set up an Only Fans site

Rupert Murdoch:
To die and be reincarnated as sewage worker’s wellingtons.

Michaela Cash:
To die overnight but to be reincarnated as a fatberg in Florida

The last few Tory lettuces (sorry, leaders):
To be reincarnated as reusable toilet paper in Alabama.

Oh, and number 11 …
All Holocaust deniers to wake up to discover that the only jokes they enjoy are those made by Jewish comedians, the only music, literature, films, memes and websites ditto.

Tags: top ten, robert brokenmouth, 2022

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